I often struggle with what to put on social media. While I enjoy my selfies, positive quotes & beautiful photos- there are many times when what I’m experiencing in a day isn’t “aesthetically pleasing”.
I spend many of my days on calls with clients & other women survivors, holding the sacred space for their healing. I empty myself in order to allow them to feel the courage to candidly speak their truth. In doing so- it’s not uncommon for me to hear explicit details about ::rape ::sexual molestation :: the women who’ve been choked so fiercely that they’ve peed themselves in panic :: the women who’ve been literally chained like animals in their own home ::the women who’ve been punched so hard that they’ve lost their eyesight :: the women who’ve been called “sluts”, “b#tches” & “whores” in front of their own children :: the women who’ve felt a gun held at their temple and just known they were breathing their last breath ::the women whose partner’s have humiliated them in front of family, friends, bosses and strangers and :: the women who have joyfully rubbed their tummies in expectancy of new life only to be beaten so badly they’ve had to mourn the unborn.
Some days I am able to easily navigate the emotion of these women’s stories as I reflect back their power and coach them as they confidently create a new normal of inside-out success & fulfillment in their lives. However, some days I am barely able to finish the call before I crumble in the fetal position, weeping for their loss & angry that there are SO, SO many of them with harrowing stories that repeat a common, untold horror.
When my tears dry and after I allow my emotions to move through me- what I mostly feel is love. I have a sincere, deep love for each of them. They inspire me.
Their willingness to push through discomfort for the gain of growth & healing is miraculous. Their ability to love when their own heart has been shattered is miraculous. Their ability to give when so much has been taken is miraculous. Their ability to dream after surviving the ultimate nightmare is again, nothing short of miraculous.
And while many days are challenging, most days are spent laughing with clients who feel like sisters- cheering them on & celebrating their many victories.
I watch them bloom right in front of my very eyes as they begin to re-write their inner dialogue and finally see themselves for the women of infinite worth that they are! There’s this lightbulb moment when they realize that they can give themselves permission to love themselves, to forgive themselves & to BE their authentic selves! And that right there, gives ME more joy & fulfillment than just about anything I’ve ever experienced.
I may not have yet figured out how to show all that in my daily social media posts- but I realize that’s okay.
If you’re reading this and you are a survivor of abuse- just know that you’re not alone. Not by a L-O-N-G shot. Know that your past circumstances don’t define your worth. Know that you have “survivor sisters” around the globe who are rooting for you and rallying behind the idea of you living your most authentic, fulfilling life. know that you can shed the shame & burn the mask!
While this extremely long post may fall short of “fabulous” – maybe, just maybe, it can save some survivor from the hell of believing that she is isolated & alone.
Until next time, remember- all that you seek, already resides within.
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